Idiot # 1
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in
toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this
woman called in very upset because she caught her
little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that
the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to
bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down
and at the end of the conversation happened to
mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison
to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better
bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.




Idiot # 2

Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them surprised them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.




Idiot # 3

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America,
walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all
your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to
give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone
had seen him write the note and might call the police
before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank
of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After
waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo
teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he
wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he woul! d either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at
Bank of America.



Idiot # 4

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car.
He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.
Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained
another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his
$40.




Idiot # 5

Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21."
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
because he didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his
driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name
and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested
therobber two hours later.



Idiot # 6

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.


Idiot # 7

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he l ifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.



Idiot # 8

Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A. M., flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.




Please note that all of the above people are allowed to
vote.