 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
Other Props |
 |

AtomicBombDesigns
For our logo.
If you need logo's or site design, this is the place to get
it!
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
 |
Virus
Trimark Pictures
1996
87 min.
"It's like looking right down inside Mother Earth." - President of the U.S.A. John Lawrence Wheeler, describing
the majesty of a natural geyser |
|
In a national park in
Oregon a deadly virus is released into the air which threatens to destroy humanity,
and only one man is capable of stopping it's spread and saving the human
race: ex-Oklahoma Sooner and presidential bodyguard Ken
Fairchild. At the Petrodyne
Corporation in New Jersey two scientists in charge of
a routine virus transfer drop the test tubes involved and release their
contents into the air. Fellow biochemical researcher Cpt. Alex Bur attempts
to help, but when he tries to enter the contaminated
area, a steel shield is dropped in front of him, blocking his entrance. The
scientists inside cry and plead for their lives while pounding on the
shield, and Bur attempts to help by pounding it from
the outside and screaming "Noooooooooo!!!", which does nothing but cover up the sound of their
own pounding. After this rather serious lapse in
workplace safety he becomes extremely suspicious
and realizes that the virus they were transporting was
dangerous. Angry, confused, and hoarse, he contacts Leo Burns, an
ace reporter with fictional newspaper The New York Tribune (the man who "exposed the toxic cover up of
the Hudson River") in an effort to make the story
public. Burns, who chews on an unlit cigar, wears a trenchcoat, and answerers
his phone "Leo Burns... in the flesh", is intrigued by Bur's story, especially
when he finds out that it may lead "all the way to
the top", and sets off to question the president himself
at an outdoor press conference at Camp David. |  |
As president John Lawrence
Wheeler gives an uninformative, sparsely attended
press conference at Camp David, head bodyguard Ken Fairchild (Brian
Bosworth, Stone Cold) stands next to him, scanning the crowd and saying things like
"The ball is in play" and "Complete the rotation" into his remote
headset. Luckily he is the top secret service agent in the world,
because just as his team of agents are completing their rotation, he
spies a suspicious looking man in a disheveled trenchcoat pacing nervously
at the rear of the crowd. Springing into lightning-fast action, he forces the target into
a nearby woodshed and wrestles away his weapon: a raw egg. "What are
you, some kind of wiseguy?", he asks the would-be dairy assassin,
authoritatively. After completing the rotation he runs into old pal Leo
Burns, who begins taunting Fairchild about the amount of money Burns lost to him during their
last poker game. Smiling wryly, Fairchild says something witty and
dodges the subject. Meanwhile Captain Bur continues to place threatening
calls to Petrodyne, warning them (?) of his intention to call the police.
Unfortunately for him, as he is making one of his numerous calls (all from
the same pay phone, just miles from the top-secret installation), Petrodyne
agents arrive on the scene. Presumably sent to eliminate him, they
do not have to bother since Bur catches a glimpse of their ominous looking
black conversion van and panics, backing into traffic and ending what
could have been a promising career in whatever the hell it was he once
did. Back at Camp David, Fairchild and
the president stroll the grounds together (both looking sporty
in specialty trenchcoats: Fairchild's olive, Wheeler's dark blue), and the prez informs Ken
that he wants him to stake out and secure Thermal Welles National Park in
Oregon. It seems that El presidente is making another one of his legendary
outdoor appearances at an environmentalist summit being held there. Why
he would send one man to conduct a security check an entire
national park is not entirely clear, until it is revealed that in addition
to playing college ball at Oklahoma State (one of several gratuitous references to
Bosworth's own glory days), Fairchild was also a geology major. Obviously, this makes
him the perfect candidate given his ability to combine sporadic, football-scholarship
level geological knowledge with all-star linebacking abilities. |
|
Upon arriving at
Thermal Welles Ken meets Larraine Keller (Leah Pinsent, Brutal
Glory), local veterinarian and contrived love
interest. Intercut with scenes of their banal conversation are
those of Ripley, the drunk, pill-popping truck driver carrying a shipment of the
binary biowarfare agents. He (very quickly) makes his way across the
country, laughing maniacally and pounding Hudy Delights the whole way,
and upon reaching Thermal Welles gets in a wreck and tips the semi,
leaking gallons of the deadly virus. The cab, which teeters precariously
over a waterfall, falls into the water below, and Ripley narrowly escapes. Unfortunately, the semi has tipped
in such a way that the virus is spilled
directly in to the creek, which flows throughout the whole park and
contaminates it's entire water supply. |
 |
| In an effort to get Larraine talking, Ripley applies his dreaded "grab the wrist and shake" technique. |
|
|
About this time Ken and Larraine are joined by
Issac, a local park ranger and all-around nice guy (life expectancy: 20 minutes). Larraine's
horse, which starts drinking the water, begins to get very aggressive
and whinny a lot. A strange looking young boy who resembles an extremely
pale Tattoo emerges from behind some bushes and points a gun at them,
shooting Issac before passing out. They all begin to feel funny and wonder, aloud,
"what's happening (to us)?" while becoming increasingly disoriented. Ken
springs into action again, carrying both Issac and the child over his
shoulders, and runs out of harms way (which consists of a
roughly 20 x 20 square foot area), all while bleeding from his nose and
eyes. A Level 4 Containment team is
sent to clean up the area by Petrodyne, who, by this point, is starting
to look like a not-entirely-on-the-level company. The president is informed, with the
mysterious Mr. Black explaining the situation to him in detail: |
Mr.
Black: "All park rangers have been
transferred out of the park and our men have replaced them."
Wheeler: "Elaborate..."
Mr. Black: "We've put our men in
ranger uniforms." |
|
Thrilling. Eventually, Wheller
grasps the concept
of the undercover rangers, and demands that "this outbreak must
be contained... no one must ever know!!!". When he inquires about the
amount of the virus that has escaped, the answer he gets is
chilling: "...enough to potentially eradicate the population of the East Coast".
Why that particular coastline was chosen for the example used is
unclear, but what is clear is the amount of danger Fairchild and his group are
now in. Which is a lot. Of danger. In an effort to contain the spread, Petrodyne quickly
constructs a makeshift hospital in the contaminated zone, which consists of
an elaborate tunnel system with different areas of the zone protected
by saran wrap taped to the circular opening. If two of these saran
barriers are passed through one is "clear" and free to take off their
mask. Even though the virus
has a "100% mortality rate", an obviously infected Fairchild, Larraine,
Issac and zombie boy awake to find themselves not
only healthy but in fightin' shape. After performing an emergency tracheotomy on the
boy, which fails (R.I.P. zombie boy), the other three
fight their way out, only to come face to face with Petrodyne's horrifying infected body treatment
system: scores of infected, living people being thrown on a massive pyre in the
back of someone's semi. At this point Ripley, driver of the
Virusmobile, has now joined the group (which remains three in number - it
seems that Issac's gunshot wound was too much for him to take), and they
steal a pickup truck and escape the car pursuing them, which flips and
hits a small boulder and explodes. Twice. Ripley (Daniel Kash, Hurt
Penguins), who does a lot of sniffling
and hitting the dashboard, finally "spills" the beans to Fairchild about his secret cargo. |
 |
| Boz. |
| It seems that
Petrodyne is not the manufacturer of
shower curtains everyone thought it was, but actually Petrodyne: Military Biowarfare
Unit; a top-secret, government sponsored germ warfare
laboratory. Ripley, describing his deadly cargo as "[stuff which] turns you every which color
and gives you two or three assholes", had accepted a bribe to haul
the virus to the park in an effort to thwart the One World
Conference. |
|
|
Our heros
are forced to abandon the truck and go back into the park on foot, where
Ripley spies his money teetering precariously at the crash site (which is
now mysteriously devoid of agents, tunnels, and saran wrap), and falls to
his death in a heavily symbolic scene that should be shown in schools to
all children who are contiplating accepting money to drive virusmobiles
into national parks; they can't be taught young enough about this sort of
thing. Alone in the woods ay last, Ken and
Larraine have a stimulating conversation in which he tells her the boo-hoo story of how
his football career ended early due to an injury, and she reveals that
she not only knows of his deeds on the football field, but - lo
and behold - is actually a Cornhusker herself! Upon realizing that their trivial reminiscing doesn't
mean shit since they are presently being stalked by
undercover government agents in the middle of a deadly, virus-infected park,
they decide to keep moving. After dispatching of a few
"rangers" here and there, they come upon a cliff wall with no
apparent way around. Ken decides that they should rappel down it, since "the first
thing an Oklahoma boy learns is how to use a rope" (a frightening
statement that could be interpreted several different ways, none of which will be
explored here), and upon reaching the ground Fairchild has a brainstorm:
they are not infected because they both have colds. Colds? However
implausible and retarded this explanation may be, it does explain their
ability to run around the woods in search of the destination
of the virus infected water, which is spreading rapidly. (This explanation does not, however,
explain how any of the hundreds of other people are running around unaffected -
does the virus keep banker's hours and stop infecting after four-thirty?)
Said destination turns out to be a geyser, which, on exploding, will spray
and infect everyone at the One World Conference, including president John
Lawrence Wheeler. |
|
Realizing that they do
not have enough time to reach the geyser before it goes off, Ken and
Larraine begin to panic. Just as Ken is about to start crying, a man
rides by on a motorcycle in the middle of the woods, stops, and gets off to take a piss. Even though
stealing is wrong, Ken takes the bike while the nature loving Hell's Angel is taking
a leak and they speed off to the geyser with the intention of detonating dynamite below
it, since the virus can't live in water that has been boiled. It
seems that the dreaded virus that everyone is so scared of is
becoming increasingly impotent: first a cold beats it, now boiled water? |
 |
| Proposed "truth in advertising" cover for Virus: Special Edition
DVD |
|
|
| Immediately after detonating
the dynamite there is a showdown with the aptly-named Mr.
Black, who turns out to be Petrodyne's heavy
(black trenchcoat) and who has recently killed Leo Burns (who died the way
he lived: chewing on an unlit, saliva-soaked cigar). Fairchild
wins, and moving with a linebacker-like quickness not found in
mortal men, he barely reaches the conference in
time, interrupting Wheeler's speech, and moving everyone several feet
to the left, avoiding the geyser spray and a national crisis. It turns
out that Petrodyne was the brainchild of the President's shady advisor, and
both are forced to cover it up, much to the chagrin of
Ken Fairchild: law-abiding geologist/football player/presidential bodyguard. The film is left unresolved, but the implication
is that Fairchild will have to fight the system the only way he knows
how: alone, and on the football field; armed only with his wits a rock
hammer. |
    
Virus and all images ©1996 Trimark Pictures. |
|
|